After spending much of my life feeling less than, left out, lonely, and lost, I often feel unsure of the path I am currently walking on. I question everything and sometimes paralyze myself with information. I have been encouraged to write by several people for quite some time, and fear and lack of understanding or knowledge of my own value has held me back. More often than not I have believed that what I have to say is unimportant and not worth anyone else listening to.
I recently had an opportunity to go on a journey that involved some self-reflection and awareness of what was going on around me – what I saw, smelled, heard, perceived. During this journey I had thoughts about writing, and speaking, and encouraging others. I could feel a knot in my stomach, much like the one I am feeling right now writing this post and thinking about other people potentially reading it. I thought about the fear of putting myself out there like that and being vulnerable and exposed for other people to see. My first instinct was to change my mind, but I can’t forget what I already know.
As I walked on my journey I came across the words “worth it” painted on a concrete wall across the street. It spoke to me so much that I had to stop and take a picture of it. I am learning to trust my instinct, those gut level responses, and the various signs that reinforce those instincts. I walked right by these words earlier in my walk and didn’t notice them at all, and on my way back they spoke to me and told me that pushing through the fear and finding my voice will be worth it.
I have recently been letting little bits of me leak out by sharing what I am thinking and I am finding that doing so is not as scary as I had imagined it would be. Having something to share, a story to tell, and keeping it inside is starting to feel more scary than letting out what has been inside hiding for so long. What I have to say is worth it. Telling my story and sharing me is worth it. I am worth it.